There's Nothing Wrong With Me, You're Just Not Funny

This type of submission is exceedingly common on my Tumblr:

[Facebook status from Brendaa Lizette Gonzalez: "I don't mind the women in the kitchen jokes. I make a pretty fucking legit turkey/ham/bacon sandwich. Girls who get all butt hurt about it probably suck at cooking lol."]

Let's ignore a few of the fails going on here for a moment (the extremely problematic term "butt hurt," the fact that making a sandwich actually isn't cooking) and hone in on two things:

1. There are so many women who internalize misogyny (congratulations, enjoy your brownie points from the patriarchy!) and 
2. What is this ridiculous notion that when someone is offended by a joke, it's a reflection of some deficit within them?

I've already written about #1 and why I think it's important to identify and call out internalized misogyny, so let's take a look at point 2 for a minute.

All in all I'm just over people acting like because something was said under the guise of "humor," everyone is just supposed to be fine with it. But the accusation that if you are offended by a "joke" it is because there's something "wrong" with you, is an added level of rage induction for me. And I see it everywhere! Someone posts something slut shamey. A woman calls it out. She's accused of being a slut. Or in one submission I received a few weeks ago, when a woman called out a man's sexism, his reaction was to go off on her about her looks, calling her sad and unconfident, and asserting that hot chicks wouldn't have an issue with what he said.

Sigh.

The truth is, of course, that there's no correlation between looks and the capacity to care about the dignity of other people. And it actually takes a ton of confidence to stand up to a bigot publicly. In fact, I would assert that the people who try to hurt others are actually the ones who display low self-esteem. They're the ones who need to take a minute to self-reflect and examine their behavior/attitudes. Think about it...if you truly love yourself and if you are truly happy, you have no incentive to bring others down. People who make "jokes" at others' expense and who think that oppression is funny are often trying to position themselves as better or special because they are compensating for feelings of inadequacy or sadness.

So no...when I find your oppressive "joke" offensive and when I care about the dignity of all people, that's not me being humorless. There's nothing wrong with me. You're just not funny.



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