Dispatches from My Brief and Terrifying Forray into The Pick Up Artist Corner of the Web

[Image text: Some of the "stars" of VH1s
short lived TV show about PUAs]

So, someone recently asked me about pick up artists (PUAs).

HAHAHAHAHA. HA HA. HEE HEE. HO HO. HAHAHAHA.

Sorry, had to get that out of the way, because I had (happily) forgotten that PUAs were a thing. But because of this reminder, I did a little research and Google led me to some awesome sites and forums (awesome said with the most possible sarcasm that you can imagine.) I'm totally not linking to them, because why give them traffic or draw attention to myself? But you can just Google around and find this stuff for yourself, if you want.

But yeah, as I mentioned, I had totally forgotten that PUAs existed. I used to be more familiar with it all. As I've blogged about before, I watched a lot of trash VH1 shows when I had cable, which, unfortunately included "The Pickup Artist" and the atrocious Mystery. WHOA HOLD ON. In getting that Wikipedia link about the show, I just learned the first season was filmed in THE VERY CITY I NOW RESIDE IN AND LOVE?! That breaks my heard a little.

Sorry, I'm back on point. The distractions are thick with this topic because it's exceedingly crappy.

So, I watched that show back then with some morbid curiosity, and despite being a feminist at the time, the most I did was roll my eyes at it all instead of feeling the intense rage that consumes me about this topic, now. I knew that crap like "negging" was misogynistic and just down right assholish, but I didn't give it much thought. I was more like, "Oh, those nerd guys are painfully awkward. Ha." and I moved on, not even really noticing when the show didn't get a third season.

But on this new tour into pick up artistry through their websites, I can't help but notice, with complete and full attention, how deeply problematic it all is. Pick up artistry, at its root, all depends on two basic things:

1) Hypermasculinity which encourages men to become "alphas" who control every aspect of a dating and hooking up. Here's a great snippet [tw: rape language...you can skip this paragraph.]

If you allow a woman to make the rules she will resent you with a seething contempt even a rapist cannot inspire. The strongest woman and the most strident feminist wants to be led by, and to submit to, a more powerful man.

You can even take "tests" which attempt to point out how worthless you are as a man if you don't behave like an "alpha." Here's how they describe men who don't display "alpha" behavior:

• You actively repulse girls. Your kind will usher forth the sexbot revolution.
• Lesser beta. You don’t immediately disgust girls; they just don’t notice you. With much painful effort you can redeem yourself. 
• Classic beta. You catch some girls’ eyes, usually the ones you don’t want. Try not to make fatty fucking a lifestyle.

2) Viewing interactions with women as "The Game" and trying to ensure that the man maintains the upper hand and control in literally every interaction. This mentality is not just limited to dating and hook ups. They also encourage men to carry this mindset into relationships (Google "relationship game PUA.") They advise things like:

• Never say I love you first.
• Make the mission, not your woman, the priority.
• Don't play by her rules.
• Resist the temptation to spill your guts out, even when she asks.
• Make her jealous/flirt with other women in front of her

As I'm sure you can see, this mentality flies in the face of every good piece of advice about healthy relationships. It literally asks men to go against their actual feelings in the relationship and instead stay in their mind, coldly calculating every move. It advocates for a hidden agenda, hiding your true feelings, and the exertion of control by manipulation.

In other words, it's seriously fucked up. And really, that's all I've learned about pick up artistry from this forray. It's perverse. Here's some other stuff to Google so you can keep an eye out that some douchebag isn't trying to "game" you or a friend:

-Demonstrations of higher value
-Peacocking
-Comfort building
-Calibration
-Compliance test
-Pre Lay Relaxation Mode




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